another rejection... again...

Here I am again

Talking to myself

Sitting at a red light

Both hands on the wheel

How am I supposed to feel?

So much running through my mind

First you wanna be free

Now you say you need me

Giving mixed signals and signs

It's so hard to let you in

Thinking you might slam the brakes again

.

Put the pedal down

Heading out of town

Gotta make a getaway

The traffic in my brain's

Driving me insane

This is more than I can take

You tell me that you love me first

Then throw your heart into reverse

I gotta get away

.

I can't keep coming back to you

Every time you're in the mood

To whisper something sweet in my ear

It's so hard to move on

Cause every time I think you're gone

You show up in my rearview mirror

.

Is this just a detour?

Cause I gotta be sure

That you really mean what you say

It's so hard to let you in

Thinking you might slam the brakes again

.

Put the pedal down

Heading out of town

Gotta make a getaway

The traffic in my brain's

Driving me insane

This is more than I can take

You tell me that you love me first

Then throw your heart into reverse

I gotta get away

To a place where I can be redefined

Where you're out of sight

And you're out of mind

But the truth is I can't even say goodbye

.

Here I am again

Talking to myself

Sitting at a red light

Both hands on the wheel

How am I supposed to feel?

So much running through my mind

.

Put the pedal down

Heading out of town

Gotta make a getaway (a getaway)

The traffic in my brain's

Driving me insane

This is more than I can take (I can take)

You tell me that you love me first

Then throw your heart into reverse

I gotta get away...

tears running down my face

~*Katie*~ says:
hey sexy
*Lisa* says:
hiya bumbum
~*Katie*~ says:
lol
~*Katie*~ says:
whats up?
*Lisa* says:
I need a hug
~*Katie*~ says:
WHATS WRONG?!
*Lisa* says:
SO MUCH! I'm like sitting here crying for serious cuz I've needed a hug for like the past two days
~*Katie*~ says:
aaaaaaw tell me all about it!
*Lisa* says:
http://dapolarbear.blogspot.com/2005/08/dedicated-to-friend.html
*Lisa* says:
I wrote that, read it- it explains a bit
~*Katie*~ says:
k
~*Katie*~ says:
WHO WAS IT?!
*Lisa* says:
ben major
*Lisa* says:
I just feel so horrible for making him cry
~*Katie*~ says:
i'm so sorry hun!
~*Katie*~ says:
did you break up with him?
*Lisa* says:
no, we weren't ever together. he was with another girl and she broke up with him and he was wondering why, so I told him why and he totally started crying, and I remembered my last breakup and started crying too and I haven't stopped yet...

'Cuz we lost it all

Nothing lasts forever

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Now it's just too late and

We can't go back

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

.

I try not to think

About the pain I feel inside

Did you know you used to be my hero?

All the days you spent with me

Now seem so far away

And it feels like you don't care anymore

.

And now I try hard to make it

I just want to make you proud

I'm never gonna be good enough for you

I can't stand another fight

And nothing's alright

.

'Cuz we lost it all

Nothing lasts forever

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Now it's just too late and

We can't go back

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

.

Nothing's gonna change the things that I said

Nothing's gonna make this right again

Please don't turn your back

I can't believe it's hard

Just to talk to you

But you don't understand

.

'Cuz we lost it all

Nothing lasts forever

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Now it's just too late and

We can't go back

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Perfect- Simple Plan

wow, that's interesting...

You are the Spirit of Anger.

You are the Spirit of Anger. You are every inch the bad girl. Something happened to make you so angry and you need to channel it out, if anyone gets in your way, they're in for a big shock. Friends are not essential for you, you don't care whether they're there or not. But if you do have friends they will be the most loyal for it takes a lot to become your friend. You attract people to you, so a partner is no trouble but if they can't handle you then they're out the window.

Take the quiz: Which stunning spirit of emotion are you?



Goth Fairy

You are Goth Fairy! You like everything dark and beautiful! You don't like to fade but you like the bright to die down a li'l bit. But that's ok! You're very mellow and have a ton of fun with your friends all the time.

Take the quiz: What is your inner beauty fairy?

dedicated to a friend...

"...have you ever had your heart ripped out by someone you've loved for forever when they tell you they hate your guts?"
It gets ripped out every time I'm with you... "...Oh, you have no idea..."

"...do you ever get that horrid feeling when you want to cry and the tears are there but they just don't fall, and you feel like that if only they fell the pain would go away?"
...Like right now?? "All the time..."


My Story:

Football game on a Saturday night
Catch glimpses of you just beyond my sight
I hear of friends nearby as friends pass by
I still don't know if this is right

Questions asked, and words get passed
Because of my tendency to tell the truth
My honesty will be the death of me
If I say anything else to you

Now walking aimlessly staring into space
With the saddest look upon your face
Reminiscing all those fun-stuffed days you had
With the girl that happened to fill my place

Questions asked, and words get passed
Because of my tendency to tell the truth
My honesty will be the death of me
If I say anything else to you


I made him cry. I made me cry. I cried my heart out for both of them. He asked me why she had left him, and I thought he deserved to know the truth- the whole truth for once. So I told him ...and he cried. He wondered how and why the heck he had been so ignorant; he wished someone would have told him so that he would have known before it was too late. But- le fin- it's finished.

I tried to comfort him; I tried so hard that he got mad at my efforts- "Lisa, just leave me alone..." We sat in silence the rest of the night, him holding his head in his hands; me trying to refrain myself from putting my arms around him and bawling- to just be able to let loose everything that's been trapped inside me for the past 7 months and 5 days since my first and last breakup, and having to see it happen to someone else: the rejection, the hate, the remorse, the lonliness, the anger, the sorrow, the grief, the tears, the pain, the hurt (did I forget anything else?), the regret... The friendship I had had with my old boy once is gone- I didn't want the same thing to happen to these two totally awesome people; neither one deserved what was happening, at all.

Getting ready to leave, I hugged him and said, "I love you, but I just don't wan-" "I'll see you around." And just like that I was cut off and left standing alone in the dark in front of the school, watching him drag himself away, one foot in front of the other, while I stood there and cried at what I had just done. Accidental revenge. "I love you". Even from just friends and family, those three words sting like death after breakups. I should know- I've gone through it.

From him to her:

Here I am on

The phone again, and

Awkward silence is

On the other end

I used to know the sound

Of a smile in your voice

But right now (right now)

All I feel (All I feel)

Is the pain of the fighting

Starting up again

.

All the things we talk about

You know they stay on my mind

On my mind

All the things we laugh about

They'll bring us through it every time

After time after time

.

Don't say a word

I know you feel the same

Just give me a sign

Say anything, say anything

Please don't walk away

I know you wanna stay

Just give me a sign

Say anything, say anything

.

Some say that

Time changes

Best friends can

Become strangers

But I don't want that

No, not for you

If you just stay with me, we can make it through

.

So here we are again

The same old argument

And now I'm wonderin'

If things'll ever change, yeah

When will you laugh again?

Laugh like you did back when

We'd make noise til 3 AM and the neighbors would complain

.

All the things we talk about

You know they stay on my mind

On my mind

All the things we laugh about

They'll bring us through it every time

After time after time

.

Don't say a word

I know you feel the same

Just give me a sign

Say anything, say anything

Please don't walk away

I know you wanna stay

Just give me a sign

Say anything, say anything

.

I'm fallin'

I'm fallin'

I'm fallin' down

I'm fallin'

I'm fallin'

I'm fallin' down

Down

Down

Down

.

Don't say a word

I know you feel the same

Just give me a sign

Say anything, say anything

Please don't walk away

I know you wanna stay

If you'll just give me a sign

Say anything, say anything

.

Don't say a word (Please don't leave)

I know you feel the same

Just give me a sign

Say anything, say anything

Please don't walk away (Please don't leave)

I know you wanna stay

Just give me a sign

Say anything, say anything

Say Anything- Good Charlotte

my half hour soul mate

now, just imagine a rigorous game of pool being played during all this and filling in some long spaces inbetween messaging and it'll make more sense:

*** travo_1989 has joined the table.
*** dramart2007 has joined the table.
trav: asl?
me: 16 f utah
m: u?
t: 16 m canada
m: sweet
t: do u have messenger?
m: I dunno let me look
m: not on this computer, sorry
t: do u have any pics
m: I might, let me look
*** travo_1989's old rating: 1368; new rating: 1375
*** dramart2007's old rating: 1145; new rating: 1138
m: oops
m: gg
t: u 2
m: how do I send you a pic?
t: u don't know
m: well if I had messenger then I would just send you there, or I could email you, but I don't play pool too often so I don't know
t: well email me sometime
m: sweet
m: so do you have any pics?
t: ah wrong ball
m: yeah me too :P
t: wats ur name?
m: lisa
m: what's yours?
t: I'm trav
m: I like it
t: or travis
m: that's cool
t: thanx
m: ur welcome
t: ur pretty cool
m: yeah you too :)
t: it's to bad ur not from around here
m: yeah that would be cool
m: so what do you like to do?
t: im a football player
t: lol
*** travo_1989's old rating: 1381; new rating: 1356
*** dramart2007's old rating: 1132; new rating: 1158
t: that sucked
m: yeah oh well, you're still cool
t: y thank u
m: no prob! and it's hott that you play football too- totally cool
t: u think so
m: heck yes
t: y do u like athlete's
m: yeah some, it all depends on their attitude, but most of the time they're hotter anyways
t: i try not to act good
t: i hate that
m: yeah me too!
t: man u have 2 email me
m: dude I just did!
m: lol
m: hey, it says my email isn't working- what's your email address?? just to be sure, ya know
t: travo_1989@yahoo.com
t: so wat do u do 4 fun
m: well I'm a drama freak so I usually just do random stuff with random people...
t: sounds fun
m: yeah, it can be
t: so do u have a boyfriend?
m: nope, I'm a loner. it sucks
m: what about you? do you have a girlfriend?
t: no we broke up about 3 weeks ago
m: I'm sorry hun
t: lol
m: what?
t: yeh i'm recoverin
m: that's good
t: so how does someone as kool as u stay single for more than a day
m: pfft, I'd like to know that myself!
t: well id take care of ya if i had the chance
m: awww, you're awesome! can I just say I love you?
t: lol sure ya can
m: sweet
t: ur kool as all hell
m: and you're pretty damn awesome youreself
t: and who ever left u is the dumbest person ever
t: i know i wouldn't
m: omg, you are a hottie
t: i know iknow lol
m: you really are though!
t: ur not 2 bad ur self
m: thanx :D
t: g2g
t: srry love ya bye
*** travo_1989 has left the table.
m: *wail of sadness* nooo! I didn't even say goodbye...



"...and that was how regina george died. no no, only kidding; but she really did get hurt..." and so I did. he was such a nice kid!! I would totally have gone clear out to canada just to meet him and be with him- he totally stole my heart. but DUH! I'm such a pussy to have fallen for him in such a short time and over the internet as well!! sheesh. and it was really weird too- the reason I couldn't get through to his email wasn't really my problem, it was his- it kept coming back to me saying that travo_1989 wasn't a real user on yahoo. retardedness. and strange suspicions. I just hope that he emails me instead so that we can still talk...

ggrrrr! but it makes me so mad!! why is it that good things like this never last for me? why??

another one's gone and dead...

People have been coming and going a lot lately, friends dying here and there; times gone, memories lost, and another one who was precious to our hearts is passed from vibrant life over to cold hard death. This latest passing sucked hardest for me- piercing me straight through, stabbing again and again as I remember event after event that we had planned to do together soon. We were so close... and now it's too late. It's too late...

I can't believe it's gone. I don't want to believe it's gone. I mean, it's still sitting right outside my house as if nothing were wrong with it at all. ...But The Beast has passed. It's not coming back this time. And I feel so ...empty. There's this GAPING HOLE in my soul where my car resided for the few months that I've been driving it. And it won't be filled as easily as my parents think. Already they've been searching all over town for a suitable replacement for The Beast, not asking what I think or caring that I'm in mourning for a friend.

And shut up- I don't care if it's "only a car"... It was my car, my friend ...my sanctuary; and I loved it. From the very second I heard the words, "That car is yours," I was out there cleaning every inch of it I could reach with the hose and an old brush and my dad's watervac, making it suitable for ...well, for sitting in without being stunk out by my family's 5 years of previous neglect. And from that moment on, we became best friends, and I loved it. Here was a private sanctuary, when the going got tough. I didn't mind going on errands- it was time for me to be with my car- time to get out of the house and drive; I always took extra time getting from place to place so that I could drive- just get out on the open road and be in my car... You wouldn't understand how precious The Beast is to me. It's just so inexplicable, what I've been through with that car.

I went out and emptied The Beast of every trace of me this morning. I couldn't stand looking at the pile of stuff sitting in my room anymore, so I went back out to The Beast itself and sat on top of it watching the rainclouds move overhead. ...And I cried. I cried. I cried for times past and things that we had yet to do, things like: the friend-graffiti-newpaint-day, drag-racing Ben in his Golden Bullet, driving to the TOP of Lightning Ridge (not just halfway up and getting afraid of overheating), spending at least one night in it away from home, getting it pimped out by KC and Kendall, going stargazing up by Deer Creek, taking it down to the Thistle campground again, and driving Emily and Marisa and other people out to Cali for our senior trip...

It's gone, and it's not coming back. I feel so lost and confused; I don't know where to go next... I hear someone sobbing- I glance around and realize that I'm the one in tears.

All day, staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night, hearing voices
Telling me that I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hope gone, feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why...

...goodbyes suck hard.

haha

THE RULES

1. The Female ALWAYS makes the RULES

2. THE RULES ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE at any time without prior notification.

3. NO MALE CAN POSSIBLY KNOW THE RULES

4. If the female suspects the male knows all the RULES, she must IMMEDIATELY change some of the RULES

5. THE FEMALE IS NEVER WRONG.

6. If the female is wrong it is because of a FLAGRANT MISUNDERSTANDING which was a DIRECT RESULT of something the male did or said wrong.

7. If rule 6 applies, the male must appologise immediately for causing the MISUNDERSTANDING.

8. The female can change her mind at any given point of time

9. THE MALE MUST NEVER CHANGE HIS MIND WITHOUT EXPRESS WRITTEN CONSENT from the female.

10. The female has every right to be ANGRY or UPSET at any time.

11. The male must remain CALM at ALL times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset

12. The female must UNDER NO circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset

13. ANY ATTEMPT TO DOCUMENT THESE RULES COULD RESULT IN BODILY HARM

14. If the female has PMS, all rules are NULL and VOID.

15. THE MALE CANNOT DIAGNOSE PMS

how long...

Rain is pouring down like the heavens are hurting.
Seems like it's been dark since the devil knows when.
How do you go on, never knowing for certain,
Will the sun ever shine again?

Feels like it's been years since it started to thunder;
Clouds are camping out in the valley and glen.
How do you go on when you can't help but wonder
Will the sun ever shine again?

What if the rain keeps falling?
What if the sky stays gray?
What if the wind keeps squalling,
And never goes away?

Maybe soon the storm will be tired of blowing.
Maybe soon it all will be over, amen.
How do you go on, if there's no way of knowing
Will the sun ever shine?
Wish I could say.
Send me a sign-
One little ray.
Lord, if you're list'ning, how long until then?
Will the sun ever shine again?

Do you ever have that dream
Where you're walking naked down the street
And everyone just stares
Do you ever feel so deep
That you speak your mind
To put others straight to sleep
You wonder if anybody cares
Sometimes I think I'm the only one
Whose day turned out unlike it had begun

And I feel bare naked
And I just can't take it
I'm getting jaded
No I just can't fake it anymore
'Cause I'm bare naked
And I know life's what you make it
Wish I could float away
To some other day

You ever go downstairs to start your day
But your car's not there
Yeah you know the joke's on you
You ever try your luck with a pickup line
But you just sucked
You tell yourself it wasn't you
And I know it's hard to hold it inside
It's days like these I run and hide

When I feel bare naked
And I just can't take it
I'm getting jaded
No I just can't fake it anymore
'Cause I'm bare naked
And I know life's what you make it
Wish I could float away
To some other day

It's all a state of mind
But I don't mind trying to find a way
To keep my head above the mess I make
What the world creates
Sometimes it feels so good to let it all fall
As the world fall
I may fall
We all may fall
And then the world comes tumbling
Down, down, down, down, down

I'm bare naked
And I just can't take it
I'm getting jaded
No I just can't fake it anymore
'Cause I'm bare naked
And I know life's what you make it
Wish I could float away
To some other day

When I feel ...feel

you cannot contain me forever!!! muahahaha!

Which Family Guy Character Are you?
brought to you by