Sunday, September 21

from this i am moving on... no more living in the past

I've begun a journey, a journey not everyone must travel, but one that I must complete to finally become what I used to be... I've been running for so long, finding myself is going to be the most difficult task of my life.

Life in and of itself is difficult- now you try going on a quest to rediscover who you are and what you've lost because you changed...

I'll need help along the way, and I can't say that who I am is someone everyone was familiar with, someone who they love--

forgive me if you lose me in the end

...this is my farewell....

Wednesday, July 16

movie-set morning

Today is a gloomy day. Gloomy, but beautiful in its own way.

Im sitting in my kitchen, laptop on the table, blinds open, enjoying the mysterious ambiance of the day sifting in through the windows, eating yesterday's cold leftovers... in my mind this morning would be the perfect setting for the opening to a movie-- the scene would open to an amateur writer lounging in a hardback chair, hair losely braided shoved under a french barrette, thinking glasses on, hand under chin pondering the meaning of life in their kitchen which now looks similar to mine, with everthing from the laptop on the table to the mysterious gloomy ambiance.

But the silence is what brought me here this morning--from the moment I stepped into my house it enveloped me in its peace, calling me, telling me to savor its soft nonexistent presence before time and daylight chased it away, to savor it before the world would begin to awaken, slow as it seemed because of the gloom, with the sounds of the birds, the dogs, family, the neighbors...

The peace called my name.

It lured me in through the silence ...the silence that I am desperately lacking in my life right now-- I'd love just one, small moment to myself; one moment of quiet stillness to gather my head, my thoughts, my energy-- I need to calm down, but in this chaotic cacophony of life it has become hard to focus, hard to remain sane while I watch the world start to crumble down around itself.

Peace. Sweet peace.

I wish I could find more moments like this....