Wednesday, June 29

my grandfather is dead

Ether Keith Aston- my dad's dad- he's gone. He died early April, and we had the funeral on my birthday. I woke up this morning with him on my mind for some reason. It's gross how I'm only just now feeling the effects. I miss him, even though he hasn't really been around lately. Parkinson's and cancer had taken over for the past 2 or 3 years, and I felt bad for him really. I still remember him from before that though, and he was the awesomest guy ever. And now he's gone. ...he's gone. And I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out for him and how he's gone.

At the funeral, all of his kids spoke- my dad, my two uncles and my two aunts. And every single one of them mentioned how he was always saying, "...this too shall pass..." My grandpa really was cool. I love him, and this too shall pass in time.

Tuesday, June 28

Janis is totally my hero


Which Mean Girl are you?
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I'm totally freaking out right now

so we're having a going-away partay for Jessy before she goes to nationals. and we just went down to the lake and buried stuff for fun while fighting off an enormous army of mosquitoes. and when we finally climbed back up the hill, there was the sheriff pulling out from behind my car.

I get so freaking paranoid when I drive with people in my car. I'm afraid that somehow someone will be stupid or I'll get distratcted and I'll lose my licence or someone will die and I'll be guilty for the rest of my life. and now with the sheriff singling out my car tonight, I'm afraid as hell. I don't want to lose my friends- they're my life; I don't want to lose my licence- it gives me so much freedom... and yet so much restraint as well. but I like it, more than I like having no car.

I hate it, this feeling inside of me. and I'm sitting here at Marisa's house freaking out and nobody cares to look, or wonder, or even ask if I'm okay. ...okay okay, so they did when I said that I was freaking out... but still, it bothers me that there was no second thought about it on their part. I'm a new driver, and still a kid; things scare me. I need a hug right now- one of the kind that eminate the feeling of, "everything will be all right; shhhh, you're safe now; don't worry," and I don't want it to ever end, ever.

I hate when I'm feeling all alone and afraid. and I find that I'm feeling it more and more often. I hate it. I loathe it. I loathe me when I'm feeling this way. I loathe me.

Wednesday, June 1

well, so much for exercising a bit longer...

I like to run. I always have. It's fun- you should try it, plus it works your body so that you're more physically fit. That's why I was doing it this morning at 7am- to get more physically fit. And I also took my mom, my sisters... and my dogs. Now, the dogs usually aren't that bad. In fact, sometimes they're even fun to run with. So, last stretch of the mile around our neighborhood, I decided to have a bit of fun. "Release the hounds!" "Go Teddy go!" "Run on, Tiki!" (don't ask me why my dogs have the names they do...) And they're gone like a shot down the street. Me, being the way I am and having been bored for the last mile going at my family's slow pace, begin an energy-spending sprint after the dogs. They've gone across the street exploring, but when I start up that sprint toward my house, those dogs came running.
Now, let me explain something about my dogs: one is the most intelligent and fun animal you would ever meet, and the other... well, let me put it this way: he's just about the stupidest thing on the face of the earth. You could hold a flame under his tail and he wouldn't even notice it until he was burnt crisp and couldn't move anymore. That's what would get him- the fact that his body wasn't doing what he was wanting it to do. He doesn't care about anything else, only what he wants to do. And it bothers me. He bothers me. You see, I've grown up with dogs who were teachable and fun all my life... until this one. He's just so dumb. And he can't learn anything. He won't learn anything. ANYTHING.... you know, to put it simply: it's just plain gross how dumb he is.
And this is where we go back to my story. They were across the street, and I was sprinting toward my house. The one dog sees me and runs to catch up; the dumb one sees the other one cross the street and run away and runs to catch him. He might've seen me; I don't know, but once he crossed that street he ran full tilt into my legs and the next thing I know I'm lying on the ground with a sore head, elbow, and butt where I hit the sidewalk; and I can't breathe at all. I hate that dog. He's so dumb.
So anyways, my family comes running to see if I'm okay, and with my mom being a former p.e. teacher, she takes the right precautions to make sure I'll survive. She finally gets me to a standing position where we both take a breather... but then the world starts going black. "You ready to go?" she asks me. "...I'm blacking out..." I tell her, and the next thing I know I feel like I'm in a different world. All my friends are there- I remember Jessy, Marisa, and Sousa, and there were others that I don't remember- it was kind of in like a Starwars setting, but kinda not... it was weird... Then I come back to reality and I'm on the ground again. "Whoa, how long have I been lying here?" I ask my mom who's standing over me. I had passed out for the first time in my life! But it was funny what happened next- within the minute my whole family was gathered around me- even my dad and my older sister who weren't even awake when we'd first gotten up! Hehehe... *shyly* I didn't know I was that loved... :D
Yes, well, I found out later that I had had a mini sort of seisure: I started shaking and my eyes rolled back in my head and I turned an ashen white and lost consciousness... Sounds kinda scary, huh? Oh well. At least I'm alive. At least my dumb dog didn't kill me... gash, stupi-head. I hate him. A lot.
And that's my story for the day. Well, except for the fact that I'm leaving tomorrow to go to Capitol Reef for my ward's youth conference and won't be back until Saturday evening; and then I'm home for a day until I get to go to Lake Powell next Monday!!! I'm so excited! And I will miss you and I love you all... BUT LAKE POWELL'S BETTER!!!! *evil hysterical laughing* AAAHAHAHHAAAAHHAAHAHAAA!!!! Yes. It is and you know it. But lovies until I see ya'll next! Mwa!