families- most particularly mine

I hate my family. Can I just say that?? I hate my family! ...Well, okay, I don't exactly hate them... I just get really irritated and angry with what they do to me. Yes- TO me. Just all of their insensitive use of me and my emotions- they're so distant... they don't want to know me themselves. It's like they're sick of my teenage emotional tendencies and they only keep me around to see what more work they can get out of me before I take my leave to make the better of my life...

So, as you can most likely tell, my family's been enangering me lately. One reason, probably the most noticeable to me, is that they are so cold and insensitive towards me all the time. Like, for example, I got home from Shakespeare Competitions after having been away from them for 3 days, and what do they do?? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. All they ask me is, "Did you win anything?? [Because I want to know if you won something so that I can take all your glory and say that I spent SO much time working with you, when really I didn't, because I am just too self-absorbed with myself, and then I won't have to worry about paying for college for you anymore]..." Bleahhhh. "Did you win anything". That's all they ask. They don't even have the decency to say, "I love you", "I'm so glad you're back", "I missed you so much", or anything of the sort- just "Did you win anything", and it makes me feel so... used. Used to bring glory and attention to them. And feeling used is not a good sort of feeling. Which brings me to my point: I don't feel loved when I'm around my family. I feel used. Synthesis of this analysis: one feasible reason for me to hate my family.

Another thing I feel when I'm around my family is that I'm not really part of the family at all- I'm just there. No one really asks me anything- it's always just "Oh, I'll tell Lisa this and this because she's a good listener. And because I just have to tell someone right this minute and not care about their problems at all." Which is how I feel. Like nobody cares. Their solution to this problem: involve the YW leaders. Make them take care of it. Make them find out what's going on in her life and then have them tell me. Well, FYI, in case you forgot or something, I've been having major issues with the YW leaders in general, and getting them more involved in my "life" as they know it will only make things worse for me. Bleaahhh. That makes me feel good, let me tell ya. *rolls eyes*...

Besides, it's not like they'd even let me tell them anything anyways. All that ever happens when I start talking is nothing, because it never happens. I never get the chance to say anything because I'm interrupted. I probably sound really selfish right now saying that I'm not getting enough attention, but it's true. I really don't. Not that I want it or anything, but it's the thought that counts. But, like I've said before- I'm too selfless, and when people start talking over me, I let them for fear of seeming too selfish. But, too many years of neglect and interruptions made me that way. Doesn't that give me a right to be angry at my family? I think so, which is one of the reasons that I hate them. But will I ever tell them this?? ...Probably never.

Don't ask me why I'm writing this- you just need to know that I had to vent. There are more reasons for my feeling this way, but these were the most sensitive to me at the moment. I'm enangered, and nobody knows it... bleaaahh.