hate ...or something like it

Torture. Absolute torture. Tied to a chair with nowhere to run except for to hide inside these tears streaming down my face...

"Now Lisa, I want this to be a real conversation we're about to have," but judging from what happens in the next few minutes I can already tell that that's not going to take place. The Lecture starts, and from the topic on duscussion I hope against all hope that it won't be a long one, all the while already knowing that agreeing to come in the first place sealed my fate... 45 minutes. 45 of the longest minutes of my life, fighting back tears but feeling them defiantly leaking down my face anyways, dreading the next thing to be said, knowing that it would force more hot confusion out of my eyes, and all the while I'm anticipating how much longer until I could just leave him and go somewhere else to cry freely and peacefully on my own...

I hate that man. I hate too many people these days, I know, but I still hate him. Why can't he just accept the fact that I will do this on my own, and that I don't tell people my problems with life because I don't want their input?!?!?!???! Even my seminary teacher understands this- he backs off because he knows I want to deal with this alone; but no, my very own bishop won't give me any space to live my life my own way, even if "The Lord" has certain concerns about me... Mother fucker, I don't give a shit. I mean, "man's proudest privelege is to go to Hell in his own way," so let me use my own roads to go wherever the hell I want!

Holy crap, I'm pissed. I don't know if you could tell, but I'm just a little irritated right now. But, I'm not going to edit anything, because that's how I really feel, and I'm so sick of faking it all the time these days.